Stedman Graham
Founder, Chairman and CEO, S. Graham and Associates
Identity Leadership, defined as self-leadership, is based on the philosophy that you can’t lead anybody else until you first lead yourself.
Summary
This week on “Leadership Matters,” Alan was joined by business leader, educator, author and global lecturer, Stedman Graham. Stedman has long worked in public relations, and has built his life’s work around mentoring current and emerging leaders through his philosophy of Identity Leadership, the idea that one cannot lead others until they first lead themselves. Stedman shares this leadership philosophy with corporate and educational audiences around the globe.
Stedman previously served in the U.S. Army and worked as a prison guard in Colorado before pivoting to work in management and public relations consulting. He eventually founded his own firm, S. Graham and Associates, where he works with clients around the world. Stedman is also the founder of AAD (formerly Athletes Against Drugs), a Chicago-based program that provided youth with scholarships and other support to help them make healthy life decisions.
In this thoughtful discussion, Stedman and Alan discuss his upbringing in a caring community, his educational journey and early career, his pivot to public relations and writing, his community improvement efforts and Stedman’s thoughts around the need for Identity Leadership amid an ever-changing environment.
Mentions & Resources in this Episode
The Ultimate Guide to Sports Event Management and Marketing (Book)
Identity Leadership: To Lead Others You Must First Lead Yourself (Book)
Guest Bio
Stedman Graham is a business advisor, chairman and CEO of S. Graham and Associates, a management and marketing consulting firm.
He is the author of 12 books, including two New York Times best sellers and one Wall Street Journal bestseller.
As a businessman, educator and speaker, Graham lectures and conducts training programs for corporations and educational organizations worldwide on the topic of Identity Leadership, based on the philosophy that one cannot lead anyone else until you first lead yourself. He has delivered Identity Leadership programs in The Netherlands, Germany, China, Canada, the UK, Bermuda and South Africa.
His proven Nine Step Success Process® drives his powerful message. This success process is based on the principle that it doesn’t matter how the world defines you, it only matters how you define yourself. Graham is honored as a distinguished visiting professor at colleges and universities throughout the country. He is a former adjunct professor at the Northwestern Kellogg School of Business where he taught the course, “The Dynamics of Leadership.”
As a proud native of Whitesboro, New Jersey, Graham has demonstrated an enduring dedication to youth and community. His New York Times best seller, Teens Can Make it Happen has become a program utilized in numerous middle and high schools in the US and abroad.
With dedication to community development, Graham is the founder of the Concerned Citizens of Whitesboro and the Concerned Citizens of Lake Wacamaw, North Carolina. He is also the co-founder of the Community Alliance for Youth Success (CAYS) and a member of Horatio Alger.
Stedman Graham has served in the United States Army and played professional basketball in the European League. Graham holds a Bachelor's Degree in Social Work from Hardin-Simmons University and a Masters's Degree in Education from Ball State University and has been awarded three honorary Doctorates. Graham serves on several boards and has received numerous awards.
Episode Transcript
Alan Fleischmann
My guest today is a business leader, a visionary, educator and author of 12 books, including two New York Times bestsellers and one Wall Street Journal bestseller. Stedman Graham is the founder, chairman and CEO of S. Graham and Associates, a management and public relations consulting firm that has long worked on behalf of Black causes and worked with many distinguished clients, including Winnie Mandela and Maya Angelou. He is the founder of AAD, formerly known as Athletes Against Drugs, a nonprofit organization that provides guidance, support and scholarships to encourage youth to make healthy life decisions.
Steadman is also a global lecturer who conducts training programs for corporations and educational organizations on topics around Identity Leadership. He has shared his vision and philosophy on his leadership principles with audiences in the Netherlands, Germany, China, Canada, the United Kingdom, Bermuda, South Africa and across the United States. I'm excited to have Stedman on the show. He's a friend of mine. I'm someone who has been probably his greatest admirer, and I'm looking forward to discussing his early life and upbringing, his remarkable career path, and his philosophy on leadership.
Stedman, Welcome to Leadership Matters. It is a pleasure to have you on the show.
Stedman Graham
Alan, I love that title, Leadership Matters, because it really actually does. You know, leadership really is everything. You're either going to be a follower or a leader. You probably have eight billion people in the world who really don't know who they are. I don't know how you do it if you don't know who you are. I don’t know how you become an effective leader, I don’t know how you become an authentic leader. I don’t understand how, today, how you source content without, you know, having a somewhat of a base or core foundation that you can organize information around to empower yourself. I just don't know how you do it. But thank you so much for having me, I appreciate it.
Alan Fleischmann
I know we're not going to have enough time because there's so much I want to talk to you about, but let this be the first of many conversations that we have together on this show.
So, you were born and raised in New Jersey, in Whitesboro, New Jersey. Tell us a little bit about life at home, what your parents did, any siblings growing up? What was life like at the house growing up?
Stedman Graham
I grew up in a little small town called Whitesboro, New Jersey, founded by George H. White, former congressman who actually was a part of our family. And, he was a congressman during Reconstruction. And so, we have great history there. He created this town, about 1700 acres, so that people of color would have an opportunity to come and create businesses and create opportunity, so we have a lot of history there.
Grew up in a family, mother and father, father was a very hard worker. He was a contractor, a painter. I used to hold a ladder for him. I'm saying, man, that was tough, you know, hold the ladder all day for him. And in summer times when I was off from school, that was about the hardest work we could do, to keep that ladder steady while he was painting all day long. We had one hour for lunch. And so, I looked back at this and said I never want to do that again. But it was great working with him.
My mom worked as a nurse's aide for a number of years, she's also kind of a business person. She sold clothes on the side. In New Jersey, you know, everybody helped us to make a dollar. You know, we sold everything we can get our hands on for the most part. That's East Coast for the most part.
Alan Fleischmann
You have neighbors and family nearby and all that as well?
Stedman Graham
Yeah, so we had a lot of family. I’m from a huge family. We have big reunions, even now where we have 400 or 500 people at our dinners. Our reunions and also big family tree. I grew up with two special needs brothers in my family, which is a very difficult thing for me to deal with growing up because nobody tells you how to deal with that. I grew up with low self-esteem, a lack of confidence in myself. Basketball was kind of my way out. It gave me enough self-confidence to kind of believe in myself. I had a race-based consciousness, thought it was about race. Took me about 31 years to realize it’s not about race, you don't know who you are. And so I had a good base, you know, we had a strong community. I was involved in a lot of activities, a lot of programs. Again, basketball was my base. And, I eventually got a scholarship to play basketball in college at Hardin Simmons, graduated from there. Played ball in Europe, served in the U.S. Army, worked in the prison system five years. So I had a solid, solid foundation.
Alan Fleischmann
I love that. and tell us, any highlights in high school that, you know, kind of looking back you were saying it was a difficult time. If you didn't have basketball, probably would have been an even more difficult time. But are there things that happened in high school, was there a great mentor? Anybody that kind of played that role in your life?
Stedman Graham
Yeah. Yeah, we were community-based, we had a culture in our community. And you know, we had little league and we had a strong high school. You know, everybody was smart. I went to a segregated school early on, Whitesboro School, which is still in our community. And so, you know, they always prepared us because they knew we were going to have to go to an integrated school and so they always wanted us to be prepared to compete. So, we had to be twice as good, we had to work twice as hard, and we had so many people in our community who were responsible for all of our successes, and especially mine. So that's why I do community work. I go back and I work in my community now. I was one of the founders, along with five other people, Concerned Citizens, and we go back and we do work in our community. And we've raised money for scholarships and sidewalks and streetlights and sewers and also to build a community center. And so, we address some of the issues in our community. So, we've been doing that for 35 years. So again, when we talk about leadership, that leadership is everything.
Alan Fleischmann
Yeah, and anything from high school you want to highlight or from Hardin Simmons? That must have been a big deal to go from, by the way, New Jersey to Texas. I imagine that was, I don't know whether you'd been to Texas before, Abilene, Texas I believe is where it is, right?
Stedman Graham
Yeah. So, I mean, it was — it's a roundabout way, I won't go into it because it's too long. But you know, Texas, well, I was lucky to be able to go to Hardin Simmons because it was a Baptist School, Christian School. And for the most part, I was able to, you know, I was an average student. Not that I didn’t have above average intelligence, because I tested out well in terms of IQ. But I just didn't have study habits, I wanted to be a basketball player, play ball in the NBA. So for the most part, I didn't have the study habits that I needed to have in order to be a great student. And I didn't understand the value of education and knowledge, which is what I understand now more than ever, how important that is. So, I kind of wish that I’d have got that early on. But I graduated. And so that was a defining moment in my life to be able to get that degree and then go on and then get my master's degree at Ball State University and start writing books and to talk about the subject we're talking about.
Alan Fleischmann
And when you went to the army also, right? You did five years in the army while you were at Ball State?
Stedman Graham
Yeah, I did three and a half years in the army. Played ball while I was over in Germany, played a little bit of ball for the military, played ball for the German team and was being paid for that. And then traveled around Europe playing ball. And so it was, I mean, it was a great life. You know, I got my master's at Ball State while I was over there because they had a satellite school over in Germany. So, the army actually just changed my life. It was a huge opportunity for me to be able to learn a lot, travel a lot, and have another perspective in terms of the world, the global marketplace. And like I said, I love to travel so it worked out very, very well.
Alan Fleischmann
That's great. You were stationed in Germany, guess you saw all of Europe from Germany as your home. And how long were you in Germany?
Stedman Graham
I was in Germany about four years. Yeah, I was in Germany. So, I used to travel all over, drive all over. It was pretty, pretty special.
Alan Fleischmann
So cool. And what made you decide to focus on education in your master’s degree at Ball State?
Stedman Graham
Well, I was, you know, I'm a social work major, which I love. I mean, I get a chance to teach social workers, again, Identity Leadership, based on the philosophy that you can't lead anybody else until you first lead yourself. So, I get a chance to do that now. It's a great opportunity for me to be able to share that in my field. And then I got a master's in education, which I'm also involved in. So, I'm doing, Alan, doing exactly what I studied in college. Right now I'm really just so happy, I'm able to transfer those skills, and have that foundational base in school that allows me also to make a living related to the things that I've studied throughout the years.
Alan Fleischmann
Yeah, you get to build on, and to me it makes so much sense looking at what you do now and how you lead now, that that would be your foundation that you would get your master's in education. I mean, that's what you do. You were about inspiring, insight, you know, sharing insight, informing. You know, it makes sense, I'm sure at the time it did too.
But when we think about all the things you've done, you worked in the federal correctional system as well, right? Soon after you got your degree.
Stedman Graham
Yeah, I worked in the prison system. And I started off as a guard, I moved to Denver, started off and I got a job and, I couldn't find a job when I got to Denver. So, I said, well maybe I could work in the prison system. So, I went to the prison system and got a job there. A place called FCI Inglewood. And that was, that was different. Because I started off as a guard, you know, guarding, you know, 300 or 400 inmates, you know, in the big ol’ area, so a lot of experience there. I probably learned more about people in terms of social work in that experience than ever before.
Then I moved into recreation there, which was exciting for me because I was able to play basketball and I was able to use that, that sports skill as a way to focus in on the recreation area. And then I got a job, moved to Chicago, transferred to Chicago from there. And then I became, eventually, Supervisor of Education in Chicago at MCC Chicago, which is a federal prison system in Chicago. Which is how I got to Chicago. So that was really, really, very, very special. So I was in social work, master's in education, and then a Supervisor of Education for the prison there. So that was all related.
Alan Fleischmann
That's very cool. Had you thought when you moved from Denver to Chicago that you'd be moving to Chicago for a long time?
Stedman Graham
No, I had no idea that I'd be actually moving to Chicago. I mean, Denver didn't work out as well as I like, the economy went the opposite way. So, I said it's time for me to move out of here. So, I got an opportunity to move to Chicago and, and that was a great, great move for me, of course. A bigger city, but I love Denver, Denver is a beautiful place, you know. I was a skier, I skied in Europe. So, I was able to ski in Denver, which is why I kind of went there because I was a skier, snow skier, and so you know, it was a good move.
Alan Fleischmann
That's cool.
Stedman Graham
And Alan there’s no middle ground in the prison system. You either make it or you don't make it.
Alan Fleischmann
And I was about to say, you were on track to become a warden, almost became a warden in the system when you pivoted to work in the public relations field and joined B&C associates. What made you decide not to?
Stedman Graham
I had a master's in education. The warden came down one day, he says I understand you have a master's in education, working in the area R&D, which is receiving and discharge when I first got there. They were looking for somebody in that position and I moved, you know, from kind of an entry-level, all the way to the department head. So, you know, I used to have to run the prison. You know, every department head had to be in charge of the prison at some point. So I was, you know — I could have become a warden if I had stayed in that profession, but I didn't, so.
Alan Fleischmann
And then what was B&C Associates?
Stedman Graham
B&C, I met a guy, Bob Brown, who's been a mentor, a father figure of mine, for boy… still, I mean. I talk to him often; we spend a lot of time together. He was a former assistant, or a special assistant for President Nixon, worked in government for a while, owned his own public relations and marketing firm. And man, I'm in a relationship with, you know, working for him, and we have a good relationship. You know, it's this African American gentleman who owns his own business. And I'm looking up to him and said, man, I'd never seen this before, you know, back then, back in the day. And he's traveling all over the world. And so, I work, you know, we started playing golf together a little bit. He invited me to play golf, and we hit it off really well. And he said, “Why don't you come work for me?” So, I went back and forth from Chicago to Highpoint, which is where he lived. And we traveled all over the world. He educated Nelson Mandela's children, which is how I got involved in South Africa. And he was close to Dr. King, and you know, in civil rights and all that, so they experienced —
Alan Fleischmann
What was his name again?
Stedman Graham
Bob Brown. Yeah, Bob Brown. So, he's a member of Horatio Alger, and all that. So, we traveled all over, and the only American to ever see Nelson Mandela in prison. While he was in Pollsmoor Prison, which was unbelievable, and I was there. I didn't get the chance to see Mr. Mandela, but I got a chance to spend a lot of time with Winnie Mandela and through him, and also, later on, I got a chance to spend a lot of time, I mean, I stayed at Nelson Mandela’s house for 10 days, Oprah and I. And, you know, just extraordinary experiences, we traveled all over the world. First opportunity to really, really understand and get into the business world.
Alan Fleischmann
So how long did you two work together?
Stedman Graham
We worked together about two and a half years I would say. Yeah, I mean, we worked together all along, I came back to Chicago and opened my own business, a public relations and marketing business, and he was a role model for me based on that. And so, we, you know, we would do projects together, work together, travel together. He was just such a mentor and a role model for me.
Alan Fleischmann
I love that. It sounds like he opened up the world of what you could do by building your own company as well. Tell us a little bit about when you opened up your firm.
Stedman Graham
Yes, sports marketing firm. I started a sports marketing firm, basically a marketing firm, and I represented some clients in the sports business and just learned business. Wow, which was very difficult for me initially because, you know, if you got a business it's difficult. And then I worked for a guy named Steve Less, I partnered with him. We were in the golf course business and managed golf courses, privatized city courses in Chicago. Together, you know, represented a number of clients.
Then through that relationship, then during that time I started, met a lady named Jan Miller and started writing books with her. She was an agent, and I had this philosophy about understanding who you are and building an identity for yourself. And she said, well you should write about that. So, I wrote a book.
First, I had written the book, The Ultimate Guide to Sports Event Management, and marketing it. And I started teaching at Kellogg during that time. So, I already had a book and kind of knew the process of how to write a book. And through this guy named Joe Goldblatt, we wrote a book together. And so, I understood how to write a book. And [Jan] says, “Well, you should write a book on your philosophy.” And I wrote a book called You Can Make It Happen, and it became a New York Times bestseller. And that's how I got into the business of writing books.
Alan Fleischmann
How different was the book process? Or was it one of those things where you had so much to say that it was easier than you thought?
Stedman Graham
One of the most difficult processes you’re ever going to go through. Yeah, first of all, you got to finish it.
Alan Fleischmann
I'm always interviewing people and I'm always surprised by the people I know, they're writing a book, they're up every morning at 5 a.m. They're working for two hours every day, they go about their day, normally. I don't have that in me. I wake up, if I want to have something to write, I want to write something that’s in the moment. So, I always feel like I'm always envious of the people who say, I got two hours to write or three hours to write, I'll get my writing done. That's not one of the juices that naturally flows through me.
Stedman Graham
It takes years, years to write a book let me tell you. That's no joke.
Alan Fleischmann
So that that book, that first book in particular, sounds like was a big deal.
Stedman Graham
I’ve written 12 of them, and it's still very difficult.
Alan Fleischmann
Especially in your case, because so much of what you do is also appealing to global audiences. So, I imagine, you know, when you're thinking about Identity Leadership, which is really what I think of you, the fact that you've been doing things all really across the world, you know, when you started becoming global. Leadership is leadership. You're gonna tell me that there's innate qualities to leadership. And that the Identity Leadership is essential no matter whether you live in the Netherlands, or you live in South Africa. I imagine that’s what you're gonna say, but I imagine also, when you're writing, you're thinking about different ways to communicate, in order to make sure that your points are well taken and understood.
Stedman Graham
Yeah, well, it's good to have a focus. Like I said, you know, knowing what you love, Identity Leadership, defined as self-leadership, is based on the philosophy that you can’t lead anybody else until you first lead yourself. You really need to understand self. You really need to be able to have the resilience, have the ability to grow, and develop and build and design your own future. You need to focus on what's important to you. You need to be able to stay in your lane, especially today. You know, we have so much information, too much information today, information overload for the most part. This is the information age. So, you need to really have clarity around how to organize your life.
Organization, I often say, an order is the highest level of development. So how are you, how you organize yourself. Focus is the other thing that’s important today, is to be able to focus. You can't do everything. So, your ability to be able to organize a team around where you're going, or build an organization that actually works. Be able to create socio-economic development within your own personal and professional life. And be able to figure out what that looks like.
And you need some help, because you're in an educational system that basically teaches you how to memorize and take tests, repeat information back and label. So, you don't learn a whole lot. Come out with a degree, you're looking for a job. And so, you're not able to, again, think, build, create your own independence, and certainly not able to self-actualize your potential because you never learned that. And then we're just doing the same thing over and over every single day. So, you're so focused on the external world as a way to define your existence. And, you're not able to define your own life or create your own opportunities because you don't know who you are, you have no starting place, you don't connect the dots. You're not in sequence, it's hard to prioritize, and you're all over the place and then you're defined by all the external tables.
Alan Fleischmann
Tell me a little bit about what that means, the Identity Leadership. Because I do think of you and that term as one and the same. It's such a big part of who — it's your focus. What if you don't have Identity Leadership? What if you don't know where you come from, if you don't know who you are?
Stedman Graham
Yeah, I think if you don't know who you are, you're pretty much frustrated because you're not able to really maximize your potential. A lot of times you're focused on the role or profession, you're often, you know, stuck doing the same thing over and over. You're not really thinking, you're not organized. I mean, 30 years ago, you could get away with that for the most part because we had community, everybody could get a job for the most part. Now, if you're not engaged in the world that you live in, if you don't have some idea of how it all works, if you're not able to put it together, it's a very difficult process because you're so overwhelmed by social media that they have so many different options.
We don't work on the inside in terms of developing ourselves, we don’t build our internal capacity for the most part because we aren’t taught that. And so, you end up being defined by race and being defined by gender and being defined by class and privilege, and being defined by house and car, and money and title, and all those external things without having any control over your own definition of what you love to do. What are your talents, and what are your skills and how you build from that? So, I mean, that's what I teach. Because I've learned myself, so it's my own narrative of being defined by all the external things, you know, regular relationship and being defined by my brothers and being defined my family and where I come from, and basketball and not having really the understanding of how to define my old self so that I can focus on things that I love and care about that make me happy, and then become an expert, based on doing those same things over and over and over again.
Alan Fleischmann
That's amazing, actually. And you find that people interpret it and understand it differently depending on where you are in the country or where you are globally?
Stedman Graham
Well, the process of success is the same for everybody. That's what I teach, I teach these principles that are basically the same. So, one, you got to start with the most powerful word in the world, which is love. What you love to do. You know, what's your passion? What's your purpose? You know, what's going to be your expertise in the marketplace? What are you selling? What are you building? What makes you consistently come back to building and designing your future over and over every day? I mean, you've got to stay in the game, you got to create something that's sustainable. So, and I mean, your life you're doing exactly what you love to do. So, you probably don't work a day. You're not working because you love it.
Alan Fleishmann
So true.
Stedman Graham
Yeah, so you're going to be successful because you're not gonna quit. And so, if you're gonna spend your time — you got 80, 90 years of life to be able to organize your life around something that makes you happy and that you care about and that you love is really what all of these successful people talk about when they talk about their work. They love it, they care about it. It's their purpose. It's their mission in life. And so, that's what I teach as the first step, you get to create an identity. That's why it's called Identity Leadership, because we want you to align yourself correctly with really what you should be doing.
Alan Fleischmann
Tell us a little about your most recent book, Identity Leadership: To Lead Others, You Must First Lead Yourself is the title of the book. And I think it's actually, of all the books you've written, it seems to be drawing from, you know, from the themes that you've lived your life teaching and inspiring others to think and do. But I imagine there's, I know because I read the book, there are some takeaways in there that you hope the reader will come away with. What are those takeaways?
Stedman Graham
Well, the takeaway is that you work on yourself and you're not being selfish by working on yourself. You actually, you can't give what you don't have. You can't pour from an empty cup. So, all your issues today, if you want to solve the issues work on you, you know. And so, that's a big takeaway right there. How do you actually do that? We teach you how to do that and, first of all, to work on you. You have to have an identity. You have to know your talents and your skills and your ability, so you have to do some self-discovery. That's why working on you is so important. You have to look internally within yourself to figure out how you're going to build a base, a strong foundational base, based on, again, organizing your life around those things that are important to you. What are your interests? So, I often say you know, take a piece of paper, write down everything you love that you like. And then take information and make it relevant to everything you loved.
Now, if you are a 10-year-old kid, you could actually do that. Write down everything you love in your life, all the things that you love, all the places you love to go to all, all the things you love to eat, write down all the relationships you love, everything that you love and care about. And then you grow that, you build that and you apply information to that. So, what am I saying? I'm saying that when I learn how to apply content, and knowledge and information to everything that I love, then I can actually start to grow my life, and build my life, as opposed to doing the same thing over and over every single day. You wake up in the morning, wash your face, you brush your teeth, get something to eat, get the kids off to school, work all day, come home in the afternoon, you spend time with the family, watch TV, you go to bed, maybe you dream — that's Monday. And you do that same thing over and over every day. So, you're not going anywhere, you’ve already done it for the most part. So, your ability to be able to force content and make it relevant today to your development, to who you are, you couldn't have a better opportunity to do that than today because we have access to information and technology with social media and all those things that should be relevant to our empowerment. So that's one thing that you have to learn, you got to get that right.
And then I talk about developing a vision and a plan and organizing your life, setting goals, which are important. Being able to execute. I talk about building a value system. I talk about building relationships. I talk about building the dream team. I'm talking about, again, learning how to learn, and then how to create a lifestyle around that. So basically, that is the content of the nine-step success process, which I teach all over the world to every segment. I'm in the schools, my teams can make an app and program. We teach and train parents, students and teachers in the same process. And I'm in corporate America, I'm working for organizations and companies, community organizations, all that, not for profit. So, the process of success is the same. The difference is, some people know it, some people don’t.
Alan Fleischmann
And how do you actually start the process when you're dealing with corporations and employees and people? Are you dealing with a similar process of ‘write down when you love,’ start there?
Stedman Graham
Yeah, I'm dealing with the same process. The process for success, if you're an organization or a company and you don't have an identity and you're all over the place and nothing connects, you're not going to be very successful, especially today. So, you have to be authentic. You got to build your brand. You know something about this. I wrote a book called Build your Life Brand. So, you got to be able to brand yourself in the marketplace based on who you are. And that's a principle that doesn't make any difference no matter who you're talking to. When you're talking to an organization or you're talking to an executive or CEO, or whoever it is, the process is the same process for everybody. You know, they’re out there trying to grow, trying to develop, trying to build and trying to create.
Alan Fleischmann
That's great. And is there another book in you right now? Is there a sequel to the last book or…?
Stedman Graham
Yeah, I'm writing. My next book is called Stedman Graham Identity: Discovering Who We Are. Discovering Who We Are is my next book. Probably might be my last book, so that kind of pulls everything together. So, we're excited about the work and being able to, again, help people recreate socio-economic development. I just don't know how you do it. I don't know how you do the leadership thing without, again, having a process that helps you define who you are. I don't know how you do it today, because there's so much information. And we're so — we need clarity around our ability to navigate through all of it. Are you able to navigate through all of the noise? Are you able to focus on what you're good at? Are you able to create a vision bigger than yourself? And again, we couldn't have a better opportunity than today to be alive, because we have so much so much access to so many resources and opportunity, we just have to make that relevant to our own empowerment. That's called leadership.
Alan Fleischmann
That's called real leadership.
You're listening to Leadership Matters on SiriusXM, and on leadershipmattersshow.com. I'm your host, Alan Fleischmann, and I'm here with Stedman Graham, founder, chairman, CEO of S. Graham and Associates, and global leadership lecturer, writer, author — really one inspirational master of leadership who understands how to inspire others to actually find their own.
And this is actually so important to what we talk about on the show here. And your books, obviously, are great. You also serve as a professor. You serve as a visiting professor at different universities and colleges, including Northwestern Kellogg School as you mentioned. The coursework there that you've done, you've taught the dynamics of leadership, how do you view the role of education in guiding the next generation? Because you know, I struggle and I have now done a full circle. For a while I thought you didn't need higher education in order to be able to do all that you want to do in the world. I thought that maybe the world's changed so dramatically, and in the last couple of years, I'm realizing how important education is again, still. And it's not just learning certain skills, you really have to be able to be given access to those opportunities. Do you think that way still?
Stedman Graham
It’s more important today than any other time in the history of our world to understand the importance of education. And, you know, teachers and educators, I'm in the school. So, you know, they spend a lot of time trying to prepare students and get students ready for structural learning. You know, I mean, in early age, I mean, if you don't know how to read, if you're not a good reader, you're out. I used to work in Goodwill and I used to work with inmates, and some of them couldn’t read. And the teach a person how to read whose 20 years of age is a very difficult process. And so, you almost have to go one-on-one with them all the time. So, if you missed that window of opportunity to learn how to be a good reader in school or understand the value of math and geography and all the things, you don't even have the basic fundamental skills to be able to do what I'm talking about doing. So, literacy.
Again, you know, education, anything that you can do to get you to understand the value of how you do it. And, how you become more effective and how you use social media and how you use technology, all those things are very, very important in terms of building a strong foundation for all the other things that you do. So, education is freedom, education is important. And we're lucky to be in this country, you know, one of the greatest countries in the world, to be able to have access to education and information at our fingertips. And folks are getting picked up by buses and taken to school and they get a lunch, they get something to eat, they have activities. I mean, we're very fortunate to be in a country where information is available to us.
Alan Fleischmann
That's wonderful. You also founded AAD, tell us a little about it. I mentioned it at the beginning of the show, Athletes Against Drugs back in 1985. And it's provided a few million dollars in scholarships over the years to students, but it also provides other forms of support to youth. What inspired you to create this and how's it doing? If there are people listening on the show who would want to get involved, how would they get involved?
Stedman Graham
Yeah, Athletes Against Drugs. I started it, I did it for 27 years. And so, man, we had all kinds of programs in the schools in Chicago. We had a lot of professional athletes involved in that. Michael Jordan was the first athlete we signed up. I mean, I can go on and on. We had David Robeson and Holyfield and I mean, we had top athletes involved with Athletes Against Drugs. So, community-based, we did a lot of programs in the schools and all of that. We don't have it anymore. I'm still working in the youth development market with my Teens Can Make It Happen program, so I continue to work. But we did that not for profit for a number of years. It was very, very rewarding and exciting.
Alan Fleischmann
So great. So, talk a little bit about leadership styles. You've seen many. And they often evolve over time and circumstances. But obviously, I work with leaders and CEOs every day there. We help them distinguish themselves from others and find their own voices. How have you seen the journey, and how do you, when you go through the process of all the things that you offer to help somebody figure out who their identity is, how have you seen that trajectory?
Stedman Graham
Well, I think it should coincide with their organizational structure. You know, first of all, you have an organization, and you have people and you have a lot of talent. And so, to be able to leverage each person's talent, when we’re talking about leadership today, we're really talking about how you build a culture, how you maintain and sustain a culture over a long period of time. How you become consistent, how you sustain yourself over a long period of time, how you navigate through all the social media and all of the information that we have available to us today. Are you clear on what you do? How do you become an expert in your field? Whether you're an organization or you're a CEO, how you stay on top of things. How do you begin to grow? What does your growth look like? And again, where are you going to be in five or 10 years. So, you know, everything has to be long term, in terms of you can have a short-term vision and long-term vision, but you got to have some clarity to be able to lead people.
And today, you have to work with people. So, it's about your emotional base, your emotional intelligence, it’s about your ability to have clarity, connect the dots, put everything in sequence, prioritize those things. And so, leadership, people are looking for somebody to help them do all that. The leader has to be really prepared. Success is when preparation meets opportunity. It is about being prepared. And also, it’s about working on yourself. It's not just about working, working, working. As a manager or as an executive, it's about thinking, it's about organizing, it's about building, it's about work life balance so that you can sustain your own self, it's about taking care of yourself. It's self-care. But in this is also compartmentalizing all those things that are relevant for empowerment as a person, it's about attitude. It's about your energy. And it's about having some self-awareness around all of those things so you can balance out these things so you can be an effective, impactful leader, first to yourself and your family, and then to everybody else around you.
Alan Fleischmann
And does someone stay with the coursework that you do all the way through the duration of years? Is it something that sets them up to understand who they already kind of are, starting with your passion? Start with your love, and they get some into the right mindset? Or is it an ongoing journey?
Stedman Graham
Well, we're building courses. Our course, an Identity Leadership course, we're almost finished with that online. We have the books and materials. I do the live sessions, which I love to do. I do the workshops, I love workshops that last at least three hours. I just did a workshop with a with a large company the other day and with their managers and executives. And the feedback has been great. I've been doing this, you know, 30 years. And so, of course, I wouldn't be in business if it didn't work. But it is, I mean, it's what I do. I dedicate my whole life to doing this, teaching people how to organize your life, how to empower themselves, focus on themselves. The more they have, the more they can give. This is a servant leadership process. It's about your ability to deliver service to your constituents, based on who you are as a person, and then also who you want to be. You know, it's about not necessarily looking at where you are right now, but who you can become in the next five or 10 years based on developing processes that will allow you to develop a constant and continuous improvement over and over every day. So, you got to become a better person today than you were yesterday. And this process helps you do that.
Alan Fleischmann
Has your leadership style, your personal style, changed over the course of your career?
Stedman Graham
Absolutely. I mean, I get to improve myself because of the information. I focus on AI as a way to improve organizational structure and focus on personal-professional development. I get to grow and the big thing here is you got to be a leader. I mean, Einstein said, you cannot solve a problem with the same mindset that caused it, so you got to be a learner. Question is, how do you learn? And then nowadays we have access to so much content. Content is king. So, your ability to be able to organize content, and be a leader of learning, allows you to source the content and make it relevant to your personal-professional device. That's where that really comes into play. The ability to execute it in your own personal professional life, learn what to do, organize, build it, create it, design it. And we've had a lot of issues, we've had a lot of disruptions. We've had climate change, which is happening all the time, and hurricanes and tornadoes and water and flooding and all that. We've had the pandemic, which has been a big disrupter for all of us around the world. We've had, you know, socio-economic changes, family changes, all these changes.
So your ability to be consistent by focusing on what you do well, by being able to stay in your lane without being distracted, without disrupting your flow, knowing who you can become, having a vision bigger than your circumstances, aligning yourself with things that are relevant to your development so that you can maximize resources and opportunities that empower you and empower your organization every day, it’s what leadership should be all about. And you're not always going to be strong. You're going to fall down, but you got to pick yourself back up, you got to keep going and you got to never quit. And you just keep going over and over until you actually make it happen or you get through it.
Alan Fleischmann
That's right. I'm a big believer that mentors matter a lot. And they're critical for all leaders. And a lot of what you do and I do is helping mentor others who are aspiring leaders or are already leaders who want to have bigger impact at scale. Who were some of your major mentors throughout your career? And how did they shape your leadership style? How important do you think mentors are?
Stedman Graham
Well, you know, I mean I'm partnered with one of the greatest minds in the world, which is Oprah. You know, of course she's been a great mentor of mine, a great role model for me. She has access to so much information. I get to learn from her, watch her, all of that, of course. Bob Brown, of course, is a bit of a mentor. Steve Lesnick. I mean, I've had 50 mentors in my life, you know, who I couldn't make it without them.
And you don't pick mentors, mentors pick you, you know as I always say. And they pick you because they see something in you. They support you and hang with you because they like you, they care for you. And so, you know, I do this work because people in my community, I've had so many people in my community who were mentors for me, and I get a chance to now help other people based on what I learned, I get a chance to pass on that knowledge and information down to other people worldwide. And it is an amazing process because no one makes it alone. No man or woman is an island unto themselves, you cannot make it by yourself. You need a team, you need mentors, you need other people, you need networks. You know how it works, it’s called group economics. You know, nobody gives you business just because they necessarily want to give you business because you're in business, they give you business because they like you. They give you business because they develop a relationship with you. They give you business because they —
Alan Fleischmann
Trust you.
Stedman Graham
They trust you so much, right? That's part of understanding how to focus on, again, focusing on who you are. I go back to that. And being authentic in what you do helps you to kind of carve out a foundational base that will help you grow what you love, what you care about, what you're passionate about. Build it, create a vision for it, organize a plan, work on it every day so you can get better at it and become the change, as Gandhi said, become the change that you seek in the world.
Alan Fleischmann
I mean, that's remarkable. I think that's so true and so important and its fundamentals. What you’re really saying is, sometimes people are waiting for things to happen for them. But, by going through the process that you describe, you put down your passion and understand where you are, where you want to be, and plan it out a little bit. It doesn't mean the planning has to be executed, but really, by putting all that on paper or putting that all down, you can seize the opportunities that you might see and you wouldn’t see otherwise. And that's a big part of it, I think, is that serendipity of life you can't plan for, but you can't find them unless you actually are looking, and you can't look unless you put all this down.
Stedman Graham
You're gonna make a lot of mistakes. You're gonna not make the best decisions all the time. But if you’re focused on what you really love, and what you're able to, what you care about, you're able to say, you know what — failure is good. I can fail, but I can learn from failure, then I can keep going back to the core of who I am, going back to that place where I can start all over again, start all over and start over again. You know, the pandemic has hit us hard. Let's start over again. You know, you've gone out of business, you can't make payroll, let's start over again. You know, you have something different, let's start over again. So, you keep starting over because you don't quit.
The key to success is you don’t have to be the smartest or the strongest, don't quit. Just keep going and keep making that happen. And then you'll learn. And then you'll get a chance to, again, celebrate one day because you hung in there, you're focusing on what you care about, you know, you don't work a day in your life. It's just every day you got to be on it. And so, you know, every so often we say everybody's equal because everybody has 24 hours. What's the question? What are you doing with your time? You know, how organized are you? How focused are you? And then, can you keep going back to the core of who you are, in terms of authenticity, keep starting over, keep building, keep growing until you get past that. And then eventually, you will create success. That is the process for success anyway.
Alan Fleischmann
Let’s talk a little bit about how you handled the work-life balance and how important it is. You and Oprah have obviously constructed a great life, you do a lot of travel, you do travel together, separate, both. You also create downtime. Is there a rhythm in your week? Are there things that you would share with others who are working hard and, you know, sometimes find themselves working 24/7? You said work-life balance, are there things that you would recommend people do? Take a day off? Go off your phone? Are there certain techniques that you incorporate into your life that allow you, I mean your partner’s a seriously busy person, you're a seriously busy person, how do you turn it off? The demands are always gonna be higher than your time. Your time is always going to be your challenge.
Stedman Graham
Yeah, our conversations are pretty much the same. And we're social people. So you know, she does it on the air, in the sky, I do it on the ground. We're doing the same work for the most part. So that helps a lot. Because we are really focused on trying to help other people as much as possible, both of us, and empower as many people as we possibly can. So we get to talk about what that looks like. And then secondly, organization, organization, organization, organization. So, you got to be organized. And so, I travel a lot, she travels a lot. But the thing that we love is we love what we do. And, you know, we're separate in our ability to define our own existence. So, she does that very well. I, hopefully, do it very well based on what I do, and we're able to have respect for each other's work and have respect for each other. And so, I'm happy with what I do. That's a huge thing in terms of work-life balance because you're not mad. You're not angry, you’re not upset at somebody else.
Alan Fleischmann
You're passionate about your day, you love your day.
Stedman Graham
Yeah, so I'm walking in, I’m saying, “Hey, how’re you doing?” I’m happy, and she's happy. And so, to make her happy or to empower her, it's very, very important, and for me to be happy is very important for her. So that eliminates a whole bunch of junk. You know when now you can focus on the sweet spot of who you are and let things flow without having so many disruptors, because you're jealous of her success or you're mad you didn't get this, and so this is part of understanding who you are and being able to control your energy, manage yourself, manage your emotions. You know, focusing on love is the foundation for all of this. So, you love yourself, you work on loving yourself, you focus on self-care, self-empowerment. And so, when you love yourself it's easier to love somebody else and care for somebody else.
Alan Fleischmann
Loving yourself is a big part of identity. I mean, I imagine when you talk about sharing at the very early stages of figuring out your style of leadership, your Identity Leadership, that it's about you, as you said, you know, sharing what you love. But the ultimate goal is to also, without arrogance, without this sense of self-importance, but how do you actually create a life of gratitude? And you can't go through liking yourself or loving yourself until you feel how blessed you are and the humility of life and how you feel that you've got a purpose, and you've got a destiny, and you have a voice to share. That's all part of the journey that one gets when they hear you, know you, study what you share with us.
But I'm curious, are there certain techniques that you would recommend? You know, like, I mean, I am trying very hard for example, living a 24/7 life, to have Saturdays off. You know and I'm still reading and writing and working and as you said, if you love what you do, it's every day. But what are you doing differently on a certain day or are there certain techniques you do? Some people meditate. I'm just curious if there's something that's the Steadman way that you incorporate in your life that you would want other people to know that it's a good thing to do too?
Stedman Graham
Well, you have to have a vision. So, you have to control it as much as you possibly can. But you got to create a framework for what your life is gonna be like. And that involves creating a structure around who you want to become. What are you working toward every day? What does that look like in the end? So, Stephen Covey said, which is one of my mentors, is that you start with the end in mind, and then you build backwards so you can determine what you should be doing and what you shouldn’t be doing. So, we have a lot of time wasters out there, wasting our time on things that we should not be doing. So structurally, you have to get that right. And then you have to plan that out and you have to organize that. You got to figure out how you're going to set goals, get those things accomplished, and are you working on the goals that you should be working on? And is it taking you in the direction that you should be going in as opposed to picking up every shiny penny? Are you clear on that, and then are you building a support system around that? So that is very helpful.
And once you achieve that vision, then if you want to start another vision, you can start another vision and create the same process for getting there. So that's day by day by day by day. You know, that's week, that's month, that’s year, focusing on moving toward who you want to become or what you want to create in your life. So, I like to look at it, use the example of painting the picture, what's the picture of the puzzle look like? The pieces are here. You got to know what the picture is gonna look like in order to be able to put the puzzle together. And then you start putting the pieces together, they end up virtually painting the picture. Well, if you don't know what the picture is gonna look like, you don't even know how it’s supposed to look. You're all over.
Alan Fleischmann
That's right. You can't find it.
Stedman Graham
You’re all over the place. You’re gonna be frustrated, you’re gonna be mad, you gonna be upset, you’re gonna be all over the place hoping that it's going to sequence properly and it's going to organize itself properly. No, it's not. You gonna be burned out.
Alan Fleischmann
It’s like an empty canvas until you start putting paint to it.
Stedman Graham
That's right. 100%.
Alan Fleischmann
Well, you've been listening to Leadership Matters on SiriusXM, and on leadershipmattersshow.com. I'm your host, Alan Fleischmann. I am here with Stedman Graham. We've enjoyed this last hour with Stedman, the Founder, Chairman and CEO of S. Graham and Associates, a global lecturer, the person who I really think has built a movement around Identity Leadership through his books and his teachings and his work with companies and corporations around the world. You are truly a great inspiration. You live by what you preach, Stedman, and it is a pleasure having you on the show and I hope you will come back actually.
Stedman Graham
My pleasure. Always. And thank you for the work that you do. You’re unbelievable.
Alan Fleischmann
You are too, my friend. I can't wait to see you soon, let's make that happen.
Stedman Graham
I look forward to it.